Sunday, May 20, 2012

A statement to apathetic Americans

http://www.americanselect.org/news/5-2012/release

Americans Elect has decided not to field a candidate this year, the reason being that there was a lack of interest. So I have my own statement to make to Americans. If Obama is reelected, or if Romney beats him and is elected, and you happen to be one of the ones who didn't vote for either, don't bitch about government being fucked up. Obama and Romney are not the problem. YOU ARE!! When you don't give a shit long enough to turn off Dancing with the Stars and get your flabby ass off the couch just long enough to vote or otherwise participate, then you deserve the government you end up getting. Stop whining about your government. By your inaction YOU helped to create it, so just shut your fucking mouth. I don't want to hear it. Just live with what you helped to create, and may God have mercy on your pathetic soul.

/rant

Monday, May 14, 2012

Breaking News from North Carolina

June 20, 2028
Raleigh, NC (APLOL) - Today, in a surprise announcement, North Carolina put repeal of the Masturbation Ban Amendment on the ballot. For 12 years, this amendment to North Carolina's Constitution, which equates masturbation with serial killing, and provides the death penalty to those who masturbate, has been the center of a protracted war between Democrats and Republicans in that state. Neither the Democratic nor the Republican presidential candidate had any comment to make on this announcement, as neither feels that North Carolina's 3 electoral votes are worth going after.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Ted Nugent and Secret Service Show

Want to know what's interesting? The Secret Service wants to investigate Ted Nugent for making a veiled threat to assassinate the president. Yeah, I saw the video he made, and even went over it with a fine-toothed comb several times.  I couldn't see the threat anywhere.  Someone please help me.  Where is it?  Again, I just don't see it.

But let's take a look at our buddies at the Secret Service, who are protecting America, and have dedicated  their lives to..... Fucking?  Seems that the Secret Service is in a bit of a spotlight of it's own, since a few of their own people are in trouble for getting it on with prostitutes during President Obama's visit to Columbia.  I know, the Secret Service is only doing it's job, and you can be sure that, should any issue arise, besides what's in their pants, they are ready and willing to sacrifice their lives by throwing themselves on top of the hookers they are escorting.  Damn, America should feel safer already..... Maybe not.  I hope those agents are wearing condoms.

Could it be that the Secret Service listened to Nugent's song "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" too many times and are now having auditory hallucinations induced by "Cat Scratch Fever"?

OK, Folks, Let's Rub Our Bishops

For a while, Republicans have been backing the Catholic Church's decrees on who pays for contraception, while Democrats have been telling the Catholic Church to keep out of it. Guess what is happening now? The Catholic Church is telling Congress to leave food stamps and other aid to poor people alone. As on cue, Republicans and Democrats have traded places, with Liberals backing the Catholic Church and Conservatives telling the Church to butt out.

OK, what's up with that? I thought Jesus didn't represent Liberals, Conservatives, Democrats, or Republicans. But, depending on the issue, the Catholic Church is both an angel and a demon to each and every political animal in the United States. One moment, Republicans praise the Catholic Church while Democrats demonize it, and the next moment, Republicans have some not very nice things to say about the Church, while Democrats think the Church is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  It just goes to further my own belief that politics is nothing more than various collections of political interests disguised as ideologies, and that the use of the Catholic Church as a pawn in various agendas amounts to no more than mental masturbation......

Hang on a minute, I think the Catholic Church is about to make another statement. 3 - 2 - 1.....

OK, folks, time to whip it out and, once more, rub your bishop.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

On the improving economy

Obama says things are improving. Well, things have gotten better for me since Obama took office, but let me let you in on a little secret. It didn't have anything to do with Obama, Democrats, Republicans, or anybody else. It was all me.

Screw the politicians. I don't need 'em.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The debauchery of the Catholic Church

News from Milwaukee, Wisconsin:

MILWAUKEE (WSAU) An attorney says at least 8,000 kids were sexually abused by over 100 priests and other offenders in the Milwaukee Catholic Diocese. Jeffrey Anderson made the assertion yesterday at a court hearing on the first compensation claims filed by abuse victims as part of church's bankruptcy proceedings. Anderson told Judge Susan Kelley that sealed bankruptcy documents outlined the extent of the abuse. He said the offenders include 75 priests who have not been previously named by the archdiocese. Anderson represents over half of the 570 victims who filed for compensation.

And this is only the diocese for one single city, Milwaukee. Extrapolate this to the world, and it is easy to see that millions of children, over the years, have been sexually abused by priests and other workers in the Catholic church.... Which brings me to this point.....

How dare the Catholic church get on it's moral high horse and tell people how to run their lives, and make demands on women regarding contraception, abortion, or what have you!! Yes, the very same people who make these demands are the very same people who looked the other way when their priests were raping children, and some of them were not even looking the other way, but were participating in the raping of children themselves. And this goes for the Pope himself. He also looked the other way when priests were raping children, and even attempted to cover it up. And these people have the unmitigated audacity to tell others that they are going to hell? And the Catholic Church has the unmitigated audacity to inject itself into politics in an attempt to force others to live their lives how they want them to? My answer to the Catholic Church is the following: Physician, heal thyself. You people are no more qualified to dictate morality to us than a prostitute is qualified to teach sex education to children. Jesus said that we should know of anything by the fruit it bears. Well, I have seen enough fruit of the Catholic Church to know that this fruit is only fit to be thrown away as garbage.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I know you are but what am I?

What's up with Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich accusing each other of being Liberals?

Asked whether they are Liberal or Conservative, just about anybody will say one or the other. But, when asked that question on specific issues, the answers are all over the place, depending on the issue. That is why it is not a good thing to peg someone, and put him in a box, as one or the other. But most do, and a few others do it to demonize an opponent. Here is the irony of our age: Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich calling each other Liberals, when each of them has done things in the past that could be construed as Liberal. But is either one a Conservative? Once again, depends on the issue, and past voting record, which tells the real story. When both say they are Conservative, they are both telling the truth. When each accuses the other of being a Liberal, again they are both telling the truth. Depends on the context.