Breaking News from North Carolina

June 20, 2028
Raleigh, NC (APLOL) - Today, in a surprise announcement, North Carolina put repeal of the Masturbation Ban Amendment on the ballot. For 12 years, this amendment to North Carolina's Constitution, which equates masturbation with serial killing, and provides the death penalty to those who masturbate, has been the center of a protracted war between Democrats and Republicans in that state. Neither the Democratic nor the Republican presidential candidate had any comment to make on this announcement, as neither feels that North Carolina's 3 electoral votes are worth going after.