Leave me alone - All I want is a damn phone

BEGIN RANT

Yesterday a salesman attempts to push a cell phone plan on me that includes unlimited texting, internet, and a few other bells and whistles.  The problem is that I am really, really old school. I am about as old school as they come.  I don't know how to text, and don't want to learn, and I get pissed off when people keep trying to push all this new crap on me. Yet, at least 2 or 3 times a month, some salesman attempts to sell me shit that I will never use.  They never stop calling me.

So here's the deal. I don't want a phone that I can type on. I don't want a phone that I can browse the internet with. I don't want a phone that I can watch a movie on. I don't want a phone that can massage my balls. All I want is a damn phone. Period. The next salesman who attempts to push a blackberry on me is going to get a raspberry back, and maybe a kick in the nuts to go along with it.  Thank you, fuck you, and no thank you!
 
END RANT